What’s up internet? I would like to share with you a tale of my pilgrimage to Egypt, to meet up with the O.G. PYRAMID SCHEMER’S of Giza.
After hearing about the Bitconnect (Crypto Currency) ponzi scheme it got me looking into Pyramid schemes as well. Where I found numerous legendary pyramid schemes like Amway, Tupperware, Avon etc. So I thought that’s it. I’m booking a ticket to where the Pyramid schemer’s all started in GIZA, EGYPT.
Entry level
On arrival my first night I got swindled right away. Come and see the super mega turbo rad technicolour laser show at the pyramids of Giza, they said. Now in theory that sounds like a great way to see the pyramids for the first time, but oh boy I was wrong. They blatantly sold out the pyramids for a quick buck with a two bit laser show. Sort of like all the hype at a bitconnect show. I knew straight away I was at the right place.
After the show I walked outside to meet my first pyramid schemer face to face.
He introduced himself as Dave, now Dave was just starting out and is at the bottom of the pyramid hustling cheaply made sculptures. None the less I was super stoked to meet my first O.G. Pyramid schemer.
And so the journey begun, to learn all about the ways of the O.G. Pyramid Schemer’s!
Beginner level
Dave told me I need to find some other tourists to start a crew and sell sculptures for him. After I have found five people to help me out he will put in a good word with Carlos, and that if I can find 17 people to buy these sculptures I would raise up the ranks.
There is some really good perks that come with all of this apparently. I heard once you get to a certain level they give you a camel or donkey or something. But to be honest it seems like a long way to the top to reach Khufu status.
Khufu is the triple O.G of the pyramid game, I mean he built these pyramids from the ground up!!
Intermediate level
The following day I met up with Mike, he was very impressed with my sculpture hustle skills and awarded me with an Egyptian turban! Now Mike informed me that if I can get 25 tourists to go on a camel ride he would allow me to climb up the pyramid…
Mission accomplished 🙂
Junior Vice President level
Next, I had a meeting with Josh about what it takes to get to the very top – Camel level.
As luck would have it, he told me that in 30 minutes his manager Brian was stopping by for lunch (possibly a mixed grill… fingers crossed.) Not only do I get to meet him but his kick ass camel as well!!!
Brian gave me a go of his camel and I got to see what it’s like to live the sweet life. I got to have just a little taste of what success is with these guys. But I was not quite there just yet.
Leveling up
He sent me on a mission to meet up with Dan from the Great Pyramid Schemers of Saqqara.
Now Dan was an interesting guy. He was showing off his donkey that he worked so hard to get, he has over 268 people under him working hard hustling little trinkets to tourists, and that is how he got his Egyptian Cadillac as he calls it.
Dan informed me that if I can get 116 tourists to come and see the pyramid of Saqqara, he would hook up a meeting with the one and only Carlos. And he would gift me with the most prestigious reward of the whole pyramid scheme…. My very own camel!!
So I got to the task at hand with the quickness, and before I new it I had three buses with over 116 tourists on their way to Saqqara. Dan was super happy with this result. So he sent his homing pigeon out to deliver the good news to Carlos and to hook up a meeting for me.
He said to meet at the Pyramids of Giza tomorrow morning at 10:27 am. I went to bed that night very excited for the big day tomorrow. It was more of a mission to get to sleep then usual.
The day has finally come… Camel level!!!
I got to the pyramids of Giza and I see in the distance a man with a camel coming towards me. There was a bit of wind around so it was sweeping up the sand in the air and it was hard to make out if it was Carlos or not….. But I could hear a faint “HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYYYYY..”
The man comes closer and I finally realise, standing right in front of me is Carlos!!
And with him, he had a camel called Alex just for me, for all the hard work that I have put in. I had finally rose up to the Camel level!!!
This was a very honourably gesture from Carlos. We then posed for some photos with Alex in front of the pyramids for future recruiting purposes.
I couldn’t believe I was now the proud owner of my very own camel, Alex!! 🐪
Exit strategy
While cruising around the pyramids, a tourist came up to me and said that he would swap his daughter for Alex…. I said “come on mate only one camel for your daughter?” and he said how the market has crashed and the camel market is going to the moon! So I thought I would give it a chance as I had to fly back to Australia soon. And that folks, is how I met Renee 🙂
What can I say…. it was a pretty good deal. So like all great pyramid schemer’s I swapped the camel for my quick exit scheme and got on a plane back to Australia.
All the facts and names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent.
Pyramid Schemes are not cool kids.
For a more serious blog check out this one on the Pyramids of Giza